2020... so far

Happy New Year... it's not too late, right? I heard that the latest time you can wish someone Happy New Year is in the summer, but I say it's better late than never... (I smell bulls**t!)

In all fairness there is truth in this, it's never too late to make resolutions and wish people well. So far out, of my 50ish resolutions, I've stuck to around 2;

1) Getting up before 11am

2) Checking my emails.

The gym has flown by the waste-side, the pounds have been piling up as I've been spending in the local Chinese TakeOut. But throughout all of this, I've remained surprisingly positive and content in my little life. I've had productive days of emailing and working, and lazy days of Netflix and UberEats.

Hands up (anyone reading this) if you've beaten yourselves up or your inner demon (mine's called Josie) has been on your case, and you've wound yourself into a spiral of self doubt and numbness so you can't move and you write off the whole day, week, or year? We've all been there, and if you're feeling this thats ok, just know that it won't last forever and you are a kickass amazing beautiful individual!

Each of us has got a way of dealing with these feelings, there's no correct way to live this funny old life especially in the arts industry. I would go weeks, months constantly having Josie battering my ear drums in, telling me I'm not good enough, I'm not funny, to be better, worthless and all this other bullshit. Thats exactly what it is.... BULLLLLLLSHIT MOMMA! My advice? Do one thing everyday that makes you happy!

Today I was meant to get up before teaching and go to the gym for legs day.

What I actually did was, get up 20 mins before teaching, taught my kiddies in China, then went to the greasy spoon for a sausage, and came home and completed those applications and sent those scary emails. Legs day can stay put when it comes to my mental state, it's not like they're going anywhere.

What I'm trying to say is, focus on what gives you enjoyment, take time for you within this crazy industry and life. You're number one in your life, and how can you look after others when you can't look after yourself. I am so grateful to friends, family, colleagues, counsellors, mentors, EVERYONE who has helped me to get to this point in my life and I can't thank them enough.

Do I wake up shitting myself everyday about what I need to do? Yes.

Do I every get everything on my list done? No.

But how am I within myself? Yeah, I'm good, and most of happy.

That's all I have to say on the matter and if I can feel this good, you can too.

I have so much love for you reading this post. You can do this.

If you need to chat, or make anyone accountable for your goals, or a pal to share ideas with, slide into those DM's or gimme a shout or comment.

Loads of love to you xxx

PS: Josie was telling me not to post this as I'll sound self righteous and I'm a twat. I told her to fuck off.